Dreaming Small

“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” 

Charles Bukowski

I got invited to an event recently (potentially by accident) that I stressed about for days. One of those things where you talk yourself out of it almost immediately. There was this persistent, nagging voice in my head that I just couldn’t shake. “You’re not worthy. Not you, not with them.”  Why do we do that to ourselves? I mean, forget mean girls, cliques, or society telling you where you fall short…we can belittle ourselves without anyone else’s help. I decided to unpack this thinking a little bit, and came to a conclusion that seems to fit: When you feel small, you dream small, and you settle for small. 

You see, there’s just one problem with that: We weren’t made for small. You know that, right? You know and believe that you were made for greatness, and that your unique gifts and talents were on purpose, FOR a purpose. Right? I think I believe that, but then I don’t have instant success in something that I try and the tiniest bit of doubt creeps in. I know you’ve felt it too. Questioning your purpose, wondering if you’re even on the right track at all. 

So, let’s get to the heart of the issue. My dream is not growing as quickly as I would have liked. A few people told me I was good at writing, and I got a big head. I saw instant success, even fame. It sounds stupid, but I think you may know the feeling. Everybody wants to be somebody- it’s the human way. Anyways, imagine my disappointment when my writing only gathers a small audience of close friends and family, and no one really gives a hoot what I have to say on social media. Must not be my “calling”, huh? But every single time I swear I’m quitting, I will NOT write another post, I get a message in my inbox. Always telling me that something I wrote inspired them, healed them, or spoke to them. It’s not a coincidence, y’all. 

No, The world does not need me to show them how to style leggings or do a fishtail braid. I am NOT knocking the amazing women who do this, (and actually I DO need them to tell me how to do these things) I’m just saying I’m done trying to change my gifts. I write, that’s what I’m good at. I don’t know fashion, I’m not crafty or creative, and I am about as socially awkward as they come… but putting words on paper is my power. 

What is your power? Being a parent? Kicking ass at your 9-5? Volunteering, care-taking, painting, or baking? Your gift is uniquely yours, as is mine. These gifts have the potential to advance the Kingdom of Heaven and, should you choose to allow them, bring your life fulfillment by ending the comparison game for good. Thats powerful stuff. 

If you haven’t heard it today, you are incredible. The very idea that there isn’t a soul on Earth who has the same thoughts and dreams, or combination of talents and abilities, as you is absolutely mind blowing. Don’t waste that by wishing for someone else’s gifts! They weren’t meant for you.

I want to leave you with one more idea that I think is worth reiterating. When the Bible talks about the church as one body, I used to think it meant working together. It does, but it means working together by embracing and using our different gifts. A brain can’t be a heart, eyes can’t be ears… and so forth. Separately they all do one thing well, but together they make up a body that can excel at many, many things. That’s the point. That’s WHY we aren’t all cookie cutter molds of each other. A body needs thousands of working parts, each created to be brilliant at its job. 

This may be a collection of ramblings, and if so I apologize because Connor and I are watching a movie and I don’t always excel at multitasking. But, what I’m saying is simple. Don’t be discouraged by failure. Don’t be swayed by uncertainty. Follow what sets your soul on fire. Your soul tends to know the path. As for me, I’ll be over here typing away… even if just for myself. 

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